My period is about two weeks late. I've felt pms-y for about three weeks and I keep expecting my period to come at any time. But, every time I use the bathroom, nothing. Is it sick that I almost hope to be pregnant? My last chance to have a baby? Tubals aren't 100% effective, but I read a lot of negative info on ectopic pregnancies and I think it may kill me if I have to lose another child. :(
Part of me just wants my period to show up so I can mourn my close-call loss and get over it, but part of me keeps hoping all hopes that it stays away and that the little cramps I keep getting are implantation cramps. :) I know... I'm all sorts of messed up. I'm dying for someone to talk to about my crazy emotions, but I just can't open up to anyone. I don't think anyone would get it. And until I know for sure, I just don't want to alert the media.
I was going to post to my online group but people talk and the last thing I want is for a bunch of bitches to know that I may or may not be pregnant. It kills me that after all that's gone on, they still keep contact with the idiots that were so hurtful. But, what can ya do? I wouldn't have wanted to lose them as my friends over stuff... So I guess I can't expect them to ditch the bitches either.
Anyway, that's neither here nor there. I guess I'll update later about whether I'm pregnant or if it's a freak missing period!
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