Strong Woman

Recently a friend pointed out to me that I'm a strong woman. I have a very definite line that is not to be crossed. You cheat on me, we get divorced. You touch my children inappropriately, I'll likely kill you. I'm not all for second-chances and forgiveness for the unforgivable things in life. To me, it's no way to live your life or raise your daughters to let things like that happen and not react accordingly. Along these same lines, I also would not expect someone to forgive me if I did something terrible. There are some things that forgiveness is acceptable, but for those few items, not a chance.

So, anyway, I started thinking about being a strong woman. There are so many times in my life... every month, week, day... that I cannot figure out why a person (generally a woman, but some men, too) put up with the bullshit they put up with. They're not confident! They let people take advantage of their good nature and good will over and over again. Man example, your wife is jealous of someone's wedding ring because it has more carats than her own, so she demands you go out and buy her a wrap so her ring is "bigger". I would LAUGH if someone insisted on that, yet, the person I know ran out and did just what he was told. Why?

I give so much credit to my parents making me a strong woman. My dad never treated my mother like a queen, but he was loving and supportive in all the ways that mattered to my developing mind. As an adult, I question what I may or may not necessarily know about my parents relationship. In all honesty, I don't want to know. It's not my place. And actually, I know more than I probably should. But that is neither here nor there for this blog.

My parents have been married almost 36 years. I've seen ups and downs but I've never known about money troubles. Sure, we didn't have Nike shoes or shop at the Gap for our clothes. My mom had a Sears credit card to put most of our school clothes on so she could pay it off over the school year. I wonder, sometimes, if my kids know too much about our finances? We don't openly talk about them, but when they ask for pizza a day before payday, I tell them we have to wait for payday. Is that a red flag that we're so paycheck to paycheck that we can't afford a $10 pizza? Or are they young enough that it doesn't matter to them? Maybe they think pizza is super expensive?

Right - back to their marriage. I think I learned so much about how relationships are supposed to work from watching my parents. My mother didn't sleep around before they got married and neither did I. Mark and I fight, like most people do, but never enough to make either of us quit the marriage. And I have to wonder, do divorced parents make divorced children? It seems like the more people who are divorced come from "broken" households themselves. Is it just a cycle that perpetuates? The going gets tough, so quit!

I worry about my daughters. I worry that they don't get exactly what they need from Mark and myself all the time. I'm worried that we're not raising them as great as we could. We don't shelter them enough. We don't give them enough opportunities. They don't feel loved enough. We're "outnumbered"... 3 girls to only 2 parents and only one of them the daddy. I think of all the women out there who bounce from bad relationship to bad relationship, all because they have daddy issues.

I got pulled away from the computer and lost my groove, so I guess this is it for now.