Panic Attacks in Children

12 % of 9th graders have experienced at least 1 panic attack and many of them before the age of 10.

It's a startling statistic to me, but while researching children having panic attacks, it's a stat that I came across. Wow. 12%! It seems like a low number, but when you consider what a panic attack is... Scary stuff.

Natalie has been having chest pains and elevated heart rates for about four noted days, starting the evening before Thanksgiving. She told us her "heart hurts" and when we felt her chest and listened at her heart, it was alarming how quickly her heartbeat was. I took her to the local hospital ER only to be told that maybe she was "scared", after her EKG and chest x-ray came back normal. Nice. I'm sure that's it, dill hole. She was just scared.

It happened again last night and we called the nurse hot-line at our doctor's office. After our feeble attempts to get a good heart-rate on her (about 108), she suggested that since Nat had pain, we take her to the ER again. Not thrilled with the level of care we received at Henry Medical, I took her all the way into Atlanta to Children's Healthcare of Atlanta. We got there, got her weight, they tagged her arm and went through registration only to have it confirmed that my child, who's having CHEST PAINS, won't be able to see a doctor for 2 1/2 hours. Insanity.

We left. I went against my better judgment and took Natalie home, the whole time screaming at myself inwardly that there could be something wrong with her and no one seems to care enough to help us. I know they can't drop everything for her, and she's seemingly okay today, but what if she was having a heart-attack? I know, rare in 5 year old children, but not impossible, right?

Anyway, it's our goal to keep her home the rest of the weekend and not have to rush off to a hospital with doctors who can't help. I'll take her into the pediatrician on Monday and hopefully they'll be able to guide us. I'm pretty sure she's having anxiety because of our move. I'm having anxiety myself... So why shouldn't she?

I'll update after we see the doctor on Monday.

Not as we planned...

My period is about two weeks late. I've felt pms-y for about three weeks and I keep expecting my period to come at any time. But, every time I use the bathroom, nothing. Is it sick that I almost hope to be pregnant? My last chance to have a baby? Tubals aren't 100% effective, but I read a lot of negative info on ectopic pregnancies and I think it may kill me if I have to lose another child. :(

Part of me just wants my period to show up so I can mourn my close-call loss and get over it, but part of me keeps hoping all hopes that it stays away and that the little cramps I keep getting are implantation cramps. :) I know... I'm all sorts of messed up. I'm dying for someone to talk to about my crazy emotions, but I just can't open up to anyone. I don't think anyone would get it. And until I know for sure, I just don't want to alert the media.

I was going to post to my online group but people talk and the last thing I want is for a bunch of bitches to know that I may or may not be pregnant. It kills me that after all that's gone on, they still keep contact with the idiots that were so hurtful. But, what can ya do? I wouldn't have wanted to lose them as my friends over stuff... So I guess I can't expect them to ditch the bitches either.

Anyway, that's neither here nor there. I guess I'll update later about whether I'm pregnant or if it's a freak missing period!

I don't listen to my children

I don't listen to my children very often, but I don't think they notice. Natalie praddles on and on all day long, barely stopping to breathe or eat. She just jabbers... I know she comes by it naturally. I am her mother, after all. After awhile, it seems, I just tune her out. I know she's talking, but as for having the foggiest idea what she's saying... Yeah, not so much.

Olivia doesn't yak as much so I find I'm more willing to listen to what she says. I wonder if Natalie has picked up on that at all? Natalie can talk for hours about anything, and when she's not talking, she's cheering - which is a whole other issue in itself. Olivia likes to cheer, too, but doesn't do it with the consistency that Natalie does. And the things Olivia talks about are actually interesting and engaging. It's more of a conversation than her just talking AT you, like Natalie does.

So, I guess my title is incorrect. It should say "I don't listen to Natalie". Somehow, I doubt she cares. I think it just feels good to her to talk and hear herself. The world is her stage!

Some Things Are Better Left Unsaid

Why are people such assholes at times? I mean, I know we all get a bug up our butts once in awhile and we say things that maybe we don't mean, or maybe we mean them but wouldn't normally say them. Today, I posted on Facebook about hating when I run out of stuff to do online and have to go clean or pack. Well, most people thought it was humorous or just ignored it, but not everyone.

People from Natalie's cheer team (the parents) have added me on Facebook. I think I only sought out a couple of them. Well, the offending poster is one of those who looked for ME. I didn't invite him into my world. He brought himself in.

Anyway, to my post about hating not having enough to do online, he posts "wish I had your problems..." I have problems? Who the fuck is he to think he knows a damn thing about my life? Maybe I'm taking this wrong or something, but good god! Who says shit like that? I wrote back "??? I have problems? It was meant to be humorous, but thanks..." but I've since deleted his and my last post. Gimme a break. I didn't ask to be his friend. Why would he be such an ass?

The unfortunately thing is that Natalie absolutely loves his daughter and they want to have her sleep over before we move. I'm sorry, dickweed. We may be too busy to accommodate that arrangement now. I hate to punish Natalie in the process, but I don't want her staying at their house. Fuck it.

Something positive

My blogs are all a bunch of whining bullshit, so why not post a Positive Blog? In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I'll give a list of what I'm thankful for.

1. My baby, Shawna. She's mainly my number one because she's right here in my face while I type. While Shawna can make me absolutely batty, she's also my sanity most days and reminds me why I wanted to be a mother. She's funny, beautiful, loving. She gives the best hugs.

2. I'll keep in the kid zone and put Olivia next. Olivia came into our lives about a year early than we had anticipated, but I wouldn't change that for the world! She's probably the most mature 8 year old I've ever met. Generally speaking, I can trust her to be honest at all times (with few exceptions).

3. Natalie... My funny, silly daughter. She brings the most light into my life (but tell either of my other daughters and I'll deny it!). Natalie is charming and witty. She is easy to smile and quick to love on you if you need it.

4. Mark. There are so many times that I just want to kill him and/or walk out the door and never look back, but truth be told, my life wouldn't be complete without him. Even when I'm mad at him, I feel like I need to talk to him throughout the day. He's a rock. He may not always understand why I need what I need, but he tries to be there for me and do what he can to make me happy.

5. I'm thankful for my friends. They are few and far between, but the ones that I have are the ones who will tell me when my breath stinks or that my jeans make my butt look awesome. I'm sad to leave the couple I have here, but I'm ready to get back to the ones I left behind two years ago.

6. My parents have always been there for me. They're the first people I want to call (besides Mark) when I have good news. I could spend hours in comfortable silence with my mom. As an adult, I can now see why my dad has the opinions that he does and while I don't always agree with them, I can respect them.

7. Scrabble. Yep, I know it's silly, but I'm thankful for Scrabble, especially the Facebook version. Scrabble keeps the mind sharp and I love spending afternoons playing Scrabble with my mom. It makes the 800 miles seem smaller somehow.

8. Sweet tea: No joke, I'm thankful for tea. Maybe moreso, I'm thankful for McDonald's for have sweet tea on the dollar menu.

9. My health. I'm not perfectly healthy. I'm overweight, probably pre-diabetic. I'm thankful for being able to work towards not being overweight and pre-diabetic. I'm also thankful that I haven't been seriously sick at all this year.

10. Our move home and having had the chance to grow up here. Obviously I was an adult when we moved here, but we finally had to learn how to stand on our own two feet when we moved. That experience is invaluable. On the flip side, there have been way too many holidays alone and I'm ready to move back and be part of our family again.

Idiot Parenting

I won't even pretend to be a perfect parent because I don't believe one exists, but those parents who purposely put their children at risk make me BATTY! How hard is it to plop a toddler into a car seat and strap him in before you drive away. I realize you probably don't have far to go, but it only takes one car running a stop sign or red light to completely ruin your life.

There are places that even provide seats to families who cannot otherwise afford them. Go get you a free seat, ghetto-mama!

On another note: my jeans weren't fully dry coming out of the dryer this morning, but I had to take Natalie to school and didn't feel like braving public in my blue plaid pj bottoms. Ghetto-mama does, but it's just not my style. So, wet jeans, a moron mom at school, and a baby who's pooped twice already today. Could my life get much better? ;o)

Irritation

It's hard not to be irritated by the little things in life. Like, when someone travels some 1200 miles to your state and then for one reason or another doesn't have time to meet you. It's frustrating. I won't lie. I feel slighted, insignificant... whatever.

I guess emotions are running high. Our move is only 32 days out. I feel like there's definitely becoming some distance between me and my southern friends, whether consciously or subconsciously... But it's there. I think moving away from here will be harder than it was to leave my home state, and that just leaves me baffled. Natalie will be five tomorrow. Shawna's walking independently. Olivia is flourishing. Leaves a momma feeling a little out in the cold! lol

I sit here wondering if Moon Dough is non-toxic. About an hour ago, Shawna toddled up to me with a mouthful of it. Way to keep it picked up, Nat. She seems okay... No worse for the wear, I guess. I can only imagine, based on the way it smells, what Moon Dough tastes like. Not something I care to test out for myself.

I have so much left to do to prepare for this move. With roughly four weeks left, there's only so much I can pack right now. I know there's more I CAN do, and I will. I'm packing bit by bit every day. I gotta tell ya, though... Packing sucks.

Anyway, I had fully intended to go into a ginormous rant here, but I can't seem to find the energy to bother. I also don't ever mean to hurt feelings and with my luck, it would get back to the person I'm ranting about, so even though no harm would be meant, it would cause an uproar. I'm seriously just too old to have to deal with shit like that anymore.